Hour 15: Amy Carter the First Daughter Is Not

The First Daughter Olivia Taylor is a BEE-YATCH!

...and I called her that several times. Alone. In my apartment. Yelling at the TV.

Doesn't she seem just fine in spite of sitting in a very uncomfortable White House staff meeting just a few hours ago...

...only to turn around and get Ethan Kanin to resign AND soil his good name! The actress' name is Sprague Grayden, which sounds vaguely like an award-winning strain of vegetable...

...as in "Do you like my casserole? I used Sprague Grayden asparagus, right out of my heirloom vegetable patch."

Speaking of the First Family, did anyone think the First Gentleman was just gonna keel over and die during his phone conversation with the Prez?

I'm not convinced he's through the woods, yet...THE STARK WOODS! ACK!

Once more, another great episode! Isn't Jon Voigt a supremely evil villain?

Here we see him outside the gates of Hell, his satanic eyes glowing red briefly as he recruits three impish demons to disguise themselves as harmless tweeners and infiltrate the upcoming White House Easter Egg Hunt.

Loved his line about political assassination becoming a growth market. Very over the top. Now if he does, in fact, get into assassinations and/or kidnappings on a regular basis, wonder if he'd take a look at my list of requests?









...and this one if you get around to it.

...Oh, and anyone doing this.

Plus, the person responsible for this...

...and this:

Oh, and this.

Well, Woody Walker gives up Jack's secrets...

...perhaps in an attempt to launch herself more readily into the strong, loving, I'll-stab-you-in-the-eardrum-for-America's-freedom arms of Jack...

...and Ann-Margret, for some odd reason.

Once again, Jack sacrifices himself for the freedom of America, this time by turning himself into a little glowworm.

Thanks to the Glasses for pointing out that Jack continues to do things very unJackishly. First, he gives in to Taylor's orders to let her out of the presidential panic room...

...just because he had to stop at the ATM.

Then he ignores Tony's advice not to risk hundreds of peole's lives by saving the singular Carl.

To Tony's credit, does Carl really know what he's getting into?! Maybe Carl should think twice before rushing home to the wife and impending twins.

In fact, how do we know exactly where Carl rushed off to?

Finally, Jack does a couple of other unJackishly things by parking that dang radioactive semi out in the open...

...and sticking his face right into the cloud of radioactive mist like he was at the perfume counter at Dillard's.

He didn't think Starkwood would be on the lookout for it?! Then again, it's not like he could think fast and pull into a Beer Barn while the evil henchmen run stupidly by.

Next week, Jack contemplates his future as the bulb for a lighthouse.

C,mon, Jack, do you not realize that if you're FLUORESCENT, it's pretty near impossible to do ANYTHING covert, including going back for that fatty chocolate pie at the FBI commissary:

He looks like a radioactive piñata. Dude, put on a jock strap!