Monday, January 19, 2009

Hour 5: Jack Turns Into MacGyver



"Yes, Tony, didn't you know that if you added soda water to baking soda, baking powder, and cream soda and then stir in some Blue Curacao with a peppermint swizzle stick like so... (sound of tickling glass)



...you'll get a greenish-yellow, non-combustible gas ideal for smoking ambassadors out of panic rooms? It's a good thing."



"OMIGOD, JACK, WAIT! DON'T DO IT!"



Suddenly, Tony dives at Jack, wrestling him to the ground! Hand-to-hand combat ensues!



"GOOD GOD, TONY, WHAT?!" Jack screams!



"DID! YOU! PUT! A! STRAWBERRY! GARNISH! ON! THAT! FROSTY! BEVERAGE?!" Tony screams!



"YES! WHAT?!"



"Recipe calls for a lemon wedge and a whistle swizzle."



"Whew. That was close. That bar-tending class at Quantico was a long time ago!"



Meanwhile back at the FBI (F**K-BUDDIES INTERNATIONAL)...



COME ON! Another twisty, intriguing love triangle? GIMME A BREAK! Why, why, WHY does anyone who works at ANY government agency on 24 have some secret fling going on?! Again?!



A shot from the FBI company picnic. Yes, I believe they're basically buck naked.

I will say that the episode took a pretty good creepy upswing when Bad Agent Guy gave Gerald McCraney a roofie...



...and Jack was told to get rid of Agent Red. Did anyone notice a slight nod to Kiefer's little 1993 movie The Vanishing, where Jeff Bridges puts him in a coffin and buries him alive?



I thought of it immediately when they started burying Big Red...



...in that big baggie.



By the way, I'll wager that RED IS NOT DEAD! RED IS NOT DEAD!



She'll get out of her predicament miraculously and admirably, I'm sure. Some act of God will occur, like some random squirrel...



...will just happen along and try to bury its nuts on her face...



...giving her just enough airflow to regain consciousness, dig herself out with her bare hands, overact, and purge all that laughable "I've got to make it right" crap out of her system.

Finally, Delta Burke did her very best to remind us that she's in a "Don't capitulate/Don't let down the people of Fake Sengala" dilemma...



...by repeatedly spelling it out verbatim to this guy.



Does the woman have any other lines, or are they just showing the same scenes over and over while the actress Cherry Jones recovers from gall bladder surgery?



I found my mind wandering to better things.



Next week, Gerald McCraney blinks his eyes in Morse code to warn his now non-future daughter-in-law: "I'm in mortal danger but am paralyzed, so that's why I'm ignoring you, but if you look deeply, like REALLY deeply into my eyes, you'll see that I'm trying to warn you that there's A BAD GUY RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Of course, the hard part is blinking in all caps.

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